Parenting has changed in the last couple decades. These days, there is a tendency to think about the actual concept of “parenting” more than in the past. In the 70’s, people had kids, raised them with a focus on them not being little A-holes or an inconvenience to adults, and sent them on their way out into the world.

Happy Medium

Nowadays, most people think the whole parenting thing over a little more thoroughly. What is the “right” way to do it? Where do we draw the line between being too hard on our kids and letting them get away with murder? What is the most effective way to raise our children into high functioning, HAPPY adults someday?

Happiness in Adulthood

I feel the part of parenting that was missing the most in the past was the emphasis on ensuring children/little humans had the right tools to be HAPPY adults someday. They focused more on the “now” of parenting. Making sure kids stayed within the lines, followed rules, learned the value of hard work (which is of course still very important).

Accessibility

I feel blessed to live in a time where we have access to more research, tools, and advice about parenting. We don’t have to just blindly follow the things the generation before us did or how our parents went about parenting. I am not saying it was bad, it was perhaps just based less on being educated on the subject because they were not as fortunate to have the tools that we have today.

Too Much Access?

With that being said, all the tools and information we have access to can be extremely overwhelming. How do you know what information is “right”? How do you pick and choose what to base your parenting style off of?

There are thousands of parenting books out there. Not to mention the millions of articles you can easily access from your phone. Or the memes and posts that simply pop up on your social media when you’re not even seeking out advice.

After seeing all this advice and “perfect” parents, the stress and worry start to settle in. You wonder if you are doing the right thing. If you should be doing more of what THAT parent is doing. And then you feel like you’re not enough and that you are certainly f*cking your kids up. And then queue downward spiral.

Wait! You weren’t even worried to begin with! You just went on your phone to add a reminder for your 5-year old’s dentist appointment next Tuesday. And now here you are questioning your whole existence as a parent. Are you even cut out for it? What the hell qualifies you to be responsible for a whole human being’s life and well-being??

Take a Chill Pill

Let’s backtrack. You ARE cut out to be a parent. You ARE what your individual child needs. You are MORE than enough for them. You may not be doing what Ms. matching-pajamas-on-Christmas-Eve-with-kids-that-all-magically-smile-at-the-same-time-for-the-camera is doing. But you are doing what is right for your kids. What is right for your family. And the fact that you care so much and DO worry about how good of a job you’re doing as a parent means you are doing more than OK. You are doing great. Because you care. And you WANT your kids to turn out happy and healthy.

So, throw away all those parenting books (maybe just keep one or two that feel true to you to reference when you are feeling lost). Stop underestimating yourself and trying to do every little thing it says you are supposed to do in every article you read about parenting. It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep up with all the things research says you are supposed to do nowadays so your kids aren’t f*cked up. And just do what FEELS right. Do your best. And if you feel what you’re doing is the right thing for YOUR kids, then it IS. Don’t overthink it. Just love them, show them you love them, let them have feelings and be there for those feelings, and teach them to be kind. They WILL turn out OK. I promise.